Hard work, passion, positivity (regardless of circumstances), intensity, toughness, commitment, enthusiasm, believing in oneself, giving it your all and never giving up. These may sound like catch phrases and hallmark cards to some – for Howie Arons, these mantras embodied his soul and spirit. They poured out of every part of his body to everyone he came in contact with, including the thousands of students, fellow coaches and teachers he impacted in his 40 year career. From his perspective, these were not only the traits that made someone a good tennis player, but they were ones that made someone a successful, strong, good and happy person.
Proudly born and raised in Brooklyn, our dad was the definition of a hustler (used in the positive sense; although from 2000 to 2010, also known as Howie’s rap phase, Jay-Z was his favorite artist, and he could often be heard blasting Jadakiss from his car). But in all seriousness, there are few people who worked harder than Big H to get where they are. Our dad would be out the door by 5:45 AM every day to drive from Suffolk County to Bayside Queens to make sure he arrived at Benjamin Cardozo High School early, where he worked as an English teacher, Dean, and Boys Tennis coach.
After the school day, his day was only beginning – he would next head over to his tennis club where over the years he worked himself up from tennis pro to head pro to director of Junior Tennis Training and Development to Tennis Club Owner. By the mid-90s, 16 of the 20 players in his Saturday tournament training program were nationally ranked and Howie Arons was synonymous with NY junior tennis.
He had an uncanny ability to be demanding and hard on his players and tennis pros, yet still be loved and revered by them. This was because he genuinely cared about them and their success, believed in them and what they could accomplish if they dug deeper, and thought of them all as family. There were hundreds of players and tennis pros whose names were so common in our house it was as if we had hundreds of additional brothers and sisters.
At the end of his day, our dad would make sure to be home by 8 PM where we would have a family dinner every night. We thought eating dinner at 8 or 8:15 was the norm because it was crucial to our dad that we ate dinner as family. In the early days, that wasn’t even the end of his day. After dinner he would spend a couple hours stringing 4 or 5 tennis rackets a night for his side tennis stringing business, he often let us help him, even though we probably slowed him down.
Big H also operated a tennis camp every summer, and somehow managed to coach over 10 little league baseball teams between the two of us. We don’t know how he did it but he was always there for us never missing a game, a tennis match or a school event. Separate from all his “day” jobs, dad was also a first ballot hall of fame coach of the Cardozo boys tennis team where over a 36 year career from 1977 to 2012 his team won their division every single year he coached, won 18 NYC championships and finished 2nd another 11 times, garnering an obscene career record of 584 wins and 51 losses (a 92% winning percentage over 36 years).
While he was tough as nails on the outside, Big H was full of love and warmth on the inside. If you were part of his larger team in life, part of his family, he started every day with a clean slate of positivity about you – any fight, disagreement, regrettable statement, whatever it may be – they were all forgotten by him the next day.
Big H had unparalleled energy and positivity, and he never ever complained, whined or made excuses. Before every match, whether you were the clear favorite or the underdog, dad would say “7-6 in the third.” To our dad, tennis didn’t have a time clock; a match was never over until you shook hands. He always expressed the importance of giving everything you had until the last point. He wanted us to expect a hard fought battle each time we played. Looking back now, this mantra really prepared us for anything in life. Don’t expect things to be easy, be prepared to dig deep to succeed.
Even when he was diagnosed with an unknown form of cancer, his attitude remained positive, reiterating that he would beat the sh-t out of it. He said he would approach the challenge the same way he approached other challenges in his life – like Jimmy Connors in the 5th set.
Before he passed away he stressed that we always remember two things: (i) first, be the best fathers and husbands that we can be; work is important he said, but family always comes first, and (ii) second, he wanted us to know how amazing our mom was to him and how much she took care of him over the very difficult past year and his whole life. He wanted to make sure she knew how thankful and lucky he felt.
Big H loved his life and felt truly blessed and lucky to have the life he lived.
As noted earlier, our dad left the house at 5:45 AM, before we would wake up. But often, he would leave notes by our beds on any random scrap of paper or envelop he could find, some longer than others, but each with wisdom, belief and love. Jimmy V once said that the greatest gift you could give someone in life is to believe in them. Our dad always believed in us and he made sure we knew that everyday.
To quote one of his notes, “Believe in yourself always, I do. Keep fighting, because fighters always win, I love you, Daddy”
Dad “Big H” – we are going to keep fighting. Love you.